The Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Cultivating Carefree Confidence
I just turned 50 recently. When you hit a milestone age, you start to reflect on your life. You think about where you are, where you could have been, and many other things. One big thing I've realized is the importance of not caring too much about what others think. I wish I had learned this earlier in life. It's not about being irresponsible; it's about not letting fears of failure or societal norms control you.
The Early Years: Naive Optimism
When I first started as a developer at a startup right out of school, I was pumped. Fresh degree in hand, ready to change the world one line of code at a time. The energy was electric, the possibilities endless. Or so I thought.
Then reality decided to crash the party. The startup went under faster than a lead balloon. Suddenly, I'm facing my first layoff, wondering what the hell just happened to my grand plans.
It was a real gut punch, you know? You get knocked down, you suck it up, and you move on.
When Shit Hit the Fan
Fast forward a bit, and I'm married, thinking I've hit the jackpot of life. House, wife, steady job - the whole nine yards. I was living the dream, right? Well, turns out that dream had an expiration date.
Ten years in, and suddenly I'm staring down the barrel of a separation. Talk about a wake-up call. Here I was, thinking I had it all figured out, and boom—my personal life decides to go nuclear.
I figured, hey, while everything's going to hell, might as well quit smoking too. Because why not add some nicotine withdrawal to the fun cocktail of divorce stress, right?
But wait, there's more! Just when I thought life couldn't throw any more curveballs, the pandemic hits.
Now, I'm not one to back down from a challenge, so I buried myself in work. Client calls, project deadlines, the whole kit and caboodle. I was busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger, thinking maybe if I just worked hard enough, everything would be okay.
Then came the cherry on top of this shit sundae - my job decided to furlough me. This was a huge punch to the gut. All that sacrifice, all that "sucking it up" I'd been doing since my startup days, and what did it get me?
That's when something in me snapped. Not in a "going postal" kind of way, but more like a "f*ck this noise" epiphany. I realized I'd been playing by rules that didn't give a damn about me, so why should I give a damn about them?
Embracing the "F*ck It" Attitude
That's when I said, "F*ck this". And let me tell you, those two words were more liberating than any self-help book I've ever read.
I walked away from that job and never looked back. Started doing contract work, calling my own shots. And you know what? It felt good. Really good. Like, "why didn't I do this sooner" kind of good.
A few months down the line, I landed a new full-time gig. But this time, it was on my terms. I wasn't there to please everyone or fit into some corporate mold. I was there to do good work and go home, end of story.
But the real change? That happened inside my head. I started writing, putting myself out there on social media. Building an audience, sharing my thoughts. And the crazy part? I wasn't worried about what people would think. Me, the guy who used to stress about every little thing, suddenly didn't give a f*ck about being judged.
It was like I'd found a superpower. The power of not giving a f*ck.
Lessons Learned: Why Not Giving a F*ck Matters
So, what's the moral of this story? It's pretty simple: life's too short to give a damn about everything.
Here's what I've figured out:
Question Everything: Is this the best you can be? Is there more out there? Are you putting up with bullshit just to get a check? These are questions you need to ask yourself. I wish I'd asked them earlier, but hey, better late than never.
Control What You Can: This whole journey led me to Stoic philosophy. This one from Epictetus stands out:
"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions."Give Back, But On Your Terms: These days, I'm all about giving back and being a positive influence. The key thing—I'm doing it without worrying about what others think. It's liberating as hell.
Embrace the "F*ck It" Mindset: Don't let society or your fears hold you back. Just power through challenges and see what happens. Trust me, it's way better than spending decades trying to please everyone else.
It's Never Too Late: I figured this out at 50. You might be reading this at 20, 30, 40, or hell, even 60. Doesn't matter. It's never too late to stop giving a f*ck about the things that don't really matter.
So here's to all of you out there still trying to please everyone, still scared of what might happen if you rock the boat. Take it from someone who's been there - the water's fine once you jump in.
Stop giving a f*ck about what doesn't matter, start giving a f*ck about what does, and watch how your life transforms.
Now, go out there and give fewer f*cks. Your future self will thank you.
Quote of the Day:
"True happiness is... to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future." - Seneca
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