How to Survive a Manager Who Won't Get Off Your Back
The stoic approach to dealing with managers who can't let go
Ever had a manager who wants to see every line of code before you commit? Who needs three status updates before lunch? Who somehow appears in your Slack DMs the second you’ve been “idle” for more than five minutes? Yeah, that kind of micromanagement can make you feel like you’re back in grade school asking permission to use the bathroom.
It’s frustrating as hell. You’re a professional. You know what you’re doing. But there they are, hovering over every decision, questioning every approach, and generally making you feel like they don’t trust you to tie your own shoes.
But here’s where stoicism comes in handy, and I’m not talking about just gritting your teeth and taking it.
The Stoic Perspective: Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t control how they manage. But you absolutely control how you respond to it.
Micromanagement can feel like a direct assault on your professional competence. Like someone’s basically saying, “I don’t think you can handle this.” But stoic philosophy teaches us something different, that we can maintain our integrity and effectiveness regardless of management style.
The key lies in focusing on what remains within your control while practicing the virtue of patience with systems and people we cannot change. Accept that some managers micromanage due to their own insecurities or past experiences, not your performance. Maybe they got burned by someone in the past. Maybe they’re under pressure from above. Maybe they just have anxiety and this is how it manifests.
Understanding this doesn’t make it less annoying, but it does help you stop taking it personally.
The Reality Check: Sometimes You Just Have to Deal
There’s not much you can do about someone else’s management style. You can’t rewire their brain or fix their insecurities. At some point, you have to accept the reality of the situation and figure out how to work within it.
Does that suck? Yeah, sometimes it does.
But here’s where you have choices. You can let it eat away at you, stress you out, and make you miserable. Or you can work with what you’ve got while you figure out your next move.
Build Trust Through Small Wins
One approach that actually works: demonstrate reliability through small wins. Consistently deliver on small commitments to gradually build trust and potentially earn more autonomy.
Think of it like this: every time you deliver exactly what you said you would, when you said you would, you’re making a deposit in the trust bank. Over time, those deposits add up. Maybe your micromanager starts to ease up a bit. Maybe they don’t. But at least you’re building a track record that speaks for itself.
Of course, there’s no guarantee to this because some people just can’t help themselves. Some managers will micromanage even if you’re delivering flawless work ahead of schedule. If it gets to that point, then it might be time to move on. But it’s worth trying first.
Over-Communicate Proactively
I know what you’re thinking: “Wait, you want me to communicate MORE with the person who’s already all up in my business?”
Hear me out.
Provide regular updates and transparency to address the underlying concerns that drive micromanaging behavior. Look, it might feel like you’re babysitting your manager’s anxiety. And honestly? That’s kind of what you’re doing. But here’s the reality: their need for constant updates isn’t about you. It’s about them trying to feel in control in a world where they can’t literally see work happening.
A lot of times, people who micromanage just need constant feedback on things. They get nervous with not knowing, especially if you go dark. This is particularly true in remote environments where they can’t see you at your desk. A lot of these managers really struggle with the lack of visibility. It messes with their sense of control.
So give them what they need before they have to ask for it. Send a quick end-of-day update. Let them know where you’re at on projects. “Hey, finished the authentication module, starting on the API endpoints tomorrow.” It takes you two minutes and saves you from three interruptions asking where things stand.
Is it extra work? Yeah. Is it fair that you have to do this? Probably not. But it’s a hell of a lot easier than dealing with constant check-ins and questions.
Your Code Speaks for Itself
Here’s something that’s completely within your control: maintain professional standards regardless of how closely you’re being supervised.
Continue to write quality code and follow best practices whether someone’s breathing down your neck or not. As developers and programmers, your code is really the number one thing you produce. Your thought process, your decisions, your problem-solving abilities: everything is reflected in the code that you write.
Think about it this way, imagine you’ve got a micromanager who insists on reviewing every single pull request with a fine-toothed comb. Annoying? Absolutely. But what if your code is so clean, so well-documented, and follows best practices so thoroughly that these reviews become rubber stamps? Suddenly, you’ve taken away their ammunition. There’s nothing to criticize, nothing to “fix,” nothing to justify their hovering.
Your quality work becomes your shield. As long as you maintain that standard, everything else should just work out. And if it doesn’t? Well, at least you’ve got a portfolio of solid work to show your next employer.
Find Meaning in the Work Itself
This is where stoicism really shines. Focus on the intrinsic satisfaction of solving problems rather than external validation of your process.
Stop looking for your micromanager to pat you on the back and tell you you’re doing great. They might not be capable of that kind of trust or recognition. Instead, find satisfaction in the puzzle you solved, the elegant solution you crafted, the bug you finally tracked down after hours of digging.
The work itself has to be enough. Because if you’re constantly waiting for someone else’s approval to feel good about what you do, you’re giving away your power. You’re letting someone else control your sense of accomplishment and professional worth.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Practice Patience as a Virtue
View dealing with difficult management as training for emotional resilience and professional maturity. Because here’s the truth: this probably won’t be the last difficult person you work with.
Sometimes we work with people who aren’t easy to work with. Sometimes they mean well; other times they don’t. But either way, we have to find a way to work around it and build our own resilience. We can’t build our mindset around what others think or around that external validation.
Think of this as your personal stoicism training ground. Every time you choose to respond calmly instead of reacting defensively, you’re getting stronger. Every time you focus on what you can control instead of stewing about what you can’t, you’re leveling up.
This skill (the ability to maintain your composure and effectiveness in less-than-ideal conditions) is valuable as hell. It’ll serve you throughout your entire career.
When It’s Time to Move On
But let’s be clear about something: stoicism doesn’t mean being a doormat. It doesn’t mean accepting every shitty situation and just dealing with it forever.
There’s a difference between practicing patience with a difficult manager and staying in a toxic situation that’s destroying your mental health and career growth. If you’ve tried the strategies above, if you’ve given it time, if you’ve communicated clearly and delivered quality work, and nothing changes? It might be time to start looking for the exit.
Some environments are just broken. Some managers will never change. And that’s okay – recognizing when to walk away is also within your control.
The Bottom Line
At the end of the day, you’ve got two choices when dealing with micromanagement: let it turn you bitter and make you hate your job, or use it as a chance to level up your patience and professionalism.
The stoics figured this out centuries ago; you can’t control other people, but you can control whether you let them mess with your peace of mind. You can control the quality of your work. You can control how you respond to difficult situations. You can control when you’ve had enough and it’s time to move on.
Everything else? That’s just noise.
How do you deal with micromanagement? Have you found strategies that work? Or have you reached a point where you decided it was time to move on?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to hear right now.
Quote of the Day:
“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” - Marcus Aurelius
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